4th of July

Wow. I can't believe it is now the middle of July. Where has the summer gone? Didn't the kids just get out of school? In a few weeks they will be going back. The stores are already selling back to school items. We had a nice 4th of July. We had my family over and it rained of course. It didn't stop us from shooting off some fireworks. We all took refuge under my neighbors big tent. I think everyone had a good time. Then we went in and played the Wii. I had no idea that my oldest brother had such a good voice. Maybe because he is a dj and has to always be preforming. He was very good. We played American Idol. It is so funny that some people suddenly have a British accent when they start to sing, others close their eyes like they are really into the music. Me? Well I just down right suck. Trust me you don't want to hear me singing in the shower. Jay thinks he is an awesome singer. Let me tell you he is not. He is one of those people who think they know the words to a song and just fill their own weird version of it. He will sing the same song over and over again when we play because he thinks each time he is that much better. I don't have the heart to break it to him. As long as we steer clear of kareoke bars we should be okay. If you happen to see him on the street just imagine in you mind him sitting on the floor of my living room on his knees mind you, singing "I can feel it coming in the air tonight, hold on." All the while he has his eyes shut and his head is ever so slowly moving up and down. You will laugh, but don't let him catch on, it is our little secret.

What Does One do??

I have felt so overwhelmed by so many different things going on lately. I feel I am on the verge of a mini breakdown. Sometimes it is hard to keep sane. When you are a parent you never stop worrying about your kids. I know that now. Whitney will be 19 this Fall and every decision she makes impacts everyone around her. I realize now how much I must have worried my own mom when I was a teenager. The scary thing is, you can't force your will on them...they have their own will and they are going to whatever they want. You can try to guide them and hope they take the right path, but altimately the choice is theirs. So, just as God let's us each do own thing, we must let our kids do their own thing too. However painful it is to watch...Many sleepless nights are had wondering if I am making wise choices for my children. I guess as long as they are happy and healthy and fairly well rounded I must be doing something right.

Busy...busy...busy...

Wow, I really had no idea how much time and energy I had to put into having Whitney's graduation party. Oh, and money! I think this is the first time I sat down over this long weekend. Whitney graduated from Bishop Brossart on Sunday and we couldn't be more proud of her. She is an awesome person and I am sure she will do well in whatever she decided to do. We have been busy since Friday getting the house and the yard ready. Trying to make sure we have enough food and enough chairs. Getting the decorations up and preparing the food. It sure was a lot fun. But, I can honestly say it is a relief to have it done now and to be able to just relax.

What A Great Weekend!!!

I was on the giving team for a CRHP retreat this weekend. I feel better than I have in so long. I can see things in a different light and I have figured out some things that I have been having trouble understanding. It was so powerful. I met a lot of great women from all different walks of life and feel truly blessed for the friends I have made over the past year while preparing for this weekend. I feel inspired by all the witnesses. I also was able to catch up on some much needed sleep today while I was off work. I only slept like two hours on Saturday, but it was so worth it. I hope I can hang on to this feeling!!! I am loving it. :)

Things Have Been So Crazy.

I can't believe how crazy my life has become. Since I started working things seem to be moving so fast. One minute it is Monday and before I know it, Friday is here. My choice to go to work still is haunting me. The kids say that I don't ever have time for them and my friends say the same. I miss the person who I was before. The happy, but poor, person. I thought I would be so happy having money to pay the bills and not have to worry so much. I am glad and it is much easier being able to get things paid and have extra money for the things we really need, like clothes for the kids and groceries. But at what cost? I feel so out of touch with everyone in my family. I don't feel happy. I feel stressed still, not because of money, but because my kids need me and I am not always here. I wonder how hard it will be for me when summer comes and I have to leave them all day every day? My life is consumed by work...I wish Jay could get a raise and I would be able to be here for the kids all day every day. I miss me....

What Are You Looking At???

Have you ever been out and noticed someone is staring at you or your family? You know you causally notice it and then look away, but you can still tell they are looking at you. I guess your reaction depends on who it is and where you are. I am pretty used to getting stares and the occasional person who says something. But, when my family went to the Cavalcade of Customs we had all eyes on us. It was like we walked into a room with a bunch of people who had no common sense. Usually I can ignore things like this. When there are three little people in your family you kind of get used to it. To be honest when we go out in Kentucky we don't get many stares or comments. Only if we go to Wal-Mart. Yes, I said Wal-Mart. Go figure. I have actually had to say things to people. You don't want to catch me on a bad day. There are the people who actually follow you around the store and make fun of you. I don't get how things like that are acceptable. People in Ohio tend to stare more and say rude things. I don't know why it is just the way things seem to be. So anyway, while at the Cavalcade of Customs we had people right next to us talking about us and pointing and laughing. Then there were the people who took pictures of us when we they thought we were not looking. I mean why would someone want a picture? I just don't get that. It was so bad that Jay wanted to leave after being there like 5 minutes. There was no way I was gonna let those people make feel so uncomfortable that we would leave. Whitney noticed it and she wanted to stay but she was extremely annoyed. Noah being the gentle spirit he is didn't notice anything. He was too interested in all the cars to look at. We couldn't leave! We had to meet Helio!!! So we walked around while people took pleasure in making us feel like we were on display. After about 45 minutes Whitney too said she wanted to leave. I said let's walk upstairs and then we can leave. Jay said there is no way I am waiting the big line to meet Helio. I said let's just go see. So I agreed after a quick walk around upstairs we would go. We walked into the conference room and suddenly we all realized we were in line to meet ....you guessed it...Helio. I was so excited. To our surprise the upstairs was less congested and we felt a little more comfortable. So after meeting Helio we left. While in the car we starting talking about how horrible the people had acted. Jay said everyone there was staring. Then Noah being so innocent said," Dad the people were looking at you because they knew you worked there and they were jealous because you are so cool." We all stopped talking and looked at each other and smiled and let out a heartfelt laugh. If only the whole world could see things through the eyes of a child.

This is one of those posts where I just needed to vent a little. Not a post to make anyone feel sorry for us. That is the last thing I would want. I just wish we lived in a world where people were more educated and considerate of others.

Cavalcade Of Customs

We were able to get free tickets to the KOI Cavalcade of Customs this weekend. Noah was so excited. From the time we got in the car he could not stop talking and asking questions. As we were walking in to the building he was kind of bouncing, you know like Tigger from Winnie the Pooh. It was too cute. We got in line to meet his favorite Indy Car Driver Helio Castroneves. At first Noah didn't want his picture with him, because he is so shy. I talked him into getting his picture with him. He was so glad he did. Helio was an extremely nice guy. You could tell he was very genuine. You might remember him from Dancing With The Stars. Meeting him was the highlight of the show. I was not leaving there without meeting him. Whitney said I acted like a little kid. She kept looking at me and smiling, and asked her what? She just smiled at me and shook her head. Well, I never got to meet anyone famous before. I could have cared less about the cars. And boy did we see lots of cars. We saw the Knight rider cars, Speedracer, and The Batmobile.

How do you know God's will for your life?

When ever I have an important decision to make I always take my thoughts to God through prayer. I would like to say I always know right away what to do, but I never know. I ask for things through prayer and then when my prayers are answered I freak out. Mostly at the unknown. I wonder if this is really what is best for my family. God does answer me. I just am not listening. Most times the answer is right in front of my face, but my thoughts and the distractions of the world consume me so I quiet God's voice or completely block it out. I know I need to work right now for financial reasons. I know I want to work because my days are consumed by boredom. With all the kids in school all day, the days are quiet and lonely. I want to be around people. I want to work in a doctor's office. After many prayers from friends and family. I got just that a job working in a physical therapist office. Now, that my prayers were answered I am terrified. I am pretty sure I will like the job. The pay is very good and it has awesome benefits. The people I am working for seem really nice too. This is all so new to me. A full time job working five days a week from 8am-6pm. This will change our lives in a very good way. We won't have to worry so much about money anymore. It will be a huge burden lifted. Why do I always second guess myself? I will only be loosing two hours a day with my kids. So like 10 hours a week less that I will see them. I should be happy. But, I do have to say I feel a sense of guilt about leaving them even for that short amount of time. They have a parent lunch coming up in a few weeks and I will be working so I will have to miss it. This has never been an issue for me before. I was always able to go everything they had. I don't want them be mad or sad that I can't make it. Also, when do people who work find time for things like Dr. appointments? I know deep down in my heart this job is the best thing for me and my family. I guess the 18 years of me being a stay at home mom have me feeling like I am trading that life in for a new one. Which in a sense I am. I know that God has directed me to this job with this place. Now, if I could only quiet the outside influences and my own thoughts so I could let God's voice be heard.